Hey ladies! My name is Ruth, I am 20 years old as of recently and have been single for most of that time so I've got a good 19 years of experience on the topic!
When Cassidy asked me to write on singleness two things came to my mind instantly. I feel like alot of us have the shared experience of at least one of these feelings. The first is the classic rush to be married. I just turned 20 and have been to four of my friends' weddings within a year and I still have a few to go before the year closes. It can be so easy to feel rushed in your own life, like everyone is moving so quickly and my life is at a stand still. And I know it doesn’t help when we girls get asked about why we don’t have a boyfriend, or when are you going to start dating all the time. I know the struggle and I feel you! But that is such a lie, friends. 2 Peter 3:8-9 reminds us that the Lord is so patient with us and HIS timing is perfect. We are exactly where the Lord wants us and HIS timing is so much better than anything I could dream up. But I do dream, y’all it is so easy to have our lives planned out. When I was in high school I figured I would for sure be dating someone by now. I had the whole plan, right? I would get to college and meet the boy of my dreams and by senior year we’d be getting engaged. But sister that is not what happened in the slightest, and I could not be more thankful and full of joy! Paul is so right when he speaks on singleness in 1 Corinthians. And I know you have heard the same words over and over “singleness is a gift” but I know it doesn’t always feel that way. It is hard and lonely, but man can it be the sweetest time of our lives. Paul tells the people of Corinth that it is better to be single because you are free from worldly distractions and are able to be totally dedicated to the Lord in a different and good way than those who are married, and are able to share the Gospel. Y’all when the Lord has us in a time of singleness think about how deeply he cherishes the time with your heart, undistracted by relationships or all that comes with it. Something I have to remind myself of is that when I feel overlooked or unwanted I could not be more wrong. My Jesus, king of heaven, creator of all that is, was, and will ever be has wanted me since the beginning of time. He created me for HIS affection and sees me deeper than I will ever know. He jealously wants all of you always and in our singleness we are able to learn and grow in a different way than in a relationship! When we stand in His affections it’s a lot harder to be swooned (lol cringe word) by people who do not have our hearts in mind.
My contentment has become less based on my feelings and more so on who my creator is.
I was chatting with a gal pal last night and we were sharing the same feeling that it would take alot to convince us to date someone, because we just love being single! It has been so fun to live in a house full of girls and be in a bunch of bible studies and get to walk in the Lord’s plan without hesitation or question. And while I am so genuinely happy being single, it is still so hard! There are days when I feel so defeated, like nobody wants me, and so desperately wish that I could have a boyfriend. But those thoughts aren’t from the Lord, you know why? Because He wants me, always has and always will.
The Lord has designed our hearts to have these affections and desires for a husband, but if I search for one out of loneliness I wont find the joy and fulfillment I’m looking for.
Only Jesus satisfies, only Jesus can fill the void, and when Jesus is your best friend, loneliness bows in the presence of our king! We hear a lot of the phrase “don't waste the waiting” and I think we often consider the waiting to be this filler time. Like singleness is just the in between of relationships and we are just waiting for it to end. I think a big part of contentment and resting in the “waiting” season is remembering that singleness is not something to “get through”. Singleness is this special time and isn’t an in between or filler part of my life until I meet the right person and my life is fulfilled. Y’all if marriage is the finish line life is gonna be pretty short! We get to live our lives fully in every chapter and each one pushes us forward into the next!
Marriage is just the beginning of a whole new chapter that is gonna be so fruitful, but the goodness of marriage does not discount the goodness of singleness.
When you serve a good God, there is no limit to the amazing things he will do in every part of our lives. I heard from a wise lady on instagram that in our singleness we should be developing the habits we want to continue in a relationship. Ones that are fruitful and honoring to the Lord and those around us. We also have this sweet opportunity to minister to our sisters and grow with one another in such a sweet and intentional way. I know that without this time it would have been a struggle to dedicate time to my roommates or my friends, to be in the organizations the Lord has gifted me with and a million other things I don’t even know He has orchestrated. He is always working and singleness doesn’t mean your life is standing still, but quite the opposite. Our lives are changing so rapidly, our hearts are growing constantly and we are becoming the women Christ has designed us to be for His glory and our good. And the second thing that came to mind, was the feeling that it was wrong for me to desire a relationship. My senior year of high school I started dating a boy and I was so consumed with the feeling that I was not being a good young christian by dating someone. That the feeling of wanting a person to love and wanting a relationship was not valid, that I was weak. I felt like I was leaving my friends behind and the best way to be a good friend to my sisters was to stay single and while I really liked this guy I couldn’t date him. How silly is that? But it’s true and I don’t know if any of you have felt this too. But I remember sitting with a good friend and feeling like the Lord was speaking to both of our hearts. I saw in her eyes that she was feeling the same way, and got to speak truth over her that I needed to hear. So listen up because I want you to hear this, desiring a boyfriend, a husband, does not make you a lesser Christian. When Paul talks to the corinthians about being single, it was not to shame those who were married but to say that there is great opportunity and goodness found in singleness. But the Lord has placed those desires in our hearts, he designed us for community and made our hearts yearn for companionship. It is okay and it is so sweet to want that, you're allowed to! Some of you may think that was the silliest thing ever but for those of you who have felt the same as me, I see you sister and you are so loved! And someday may the Lord guide you there, the right guy will pursue you and love you so well. And there will be so much peace in that! Our God is not one of worry or fear but one of peace and joy! I think that is one of the biggest things to wait for in finding the right guy, peace. Remain steadfast in prayer, if there’s a guy that catches your eye, pray for him, that He would follow the Lord’s calling on his life and if He loves Jesus and is listening he will pursue you if that’s the Lord’s plan. And if it isn’t the Lord has guarded your heart from a whole lot of hurt. One of the greatest pieces of advice I have ever received is to guard the other person’s heart above all else. And this doesn’t just play into relationships but friendships too. When you see someone as a treasure that Jesus has allowed you to be in their life, you will want to protect the heart He so delicately made. Ladies, a man of God will guard your heart, he wont play with it, he won't sacrifice your peace and joy for the sake of his own feelings. You can be yourself because your guard doesn't have to be up, you can put your heart on the line because it is in really good hands. Man, like I said, singleness is so fun and so sweet! But I have to admit, the next chapter is gonna be a really sweet one too and I can’t believe it just keeps getting better, our Jesus is just way too good to us!! - RL
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