Think of a time when you felt broken. I’m not talking about a time where things weren’t going your way, I’m talking when you hurt so bad you couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. Someone left you for another person, your friend turned and used your secrets against you, or maybe you went too far in a past relationship.
If you relate to any of the examples above or have unspoken ones, know you are NOT alone. My own brokenness is easily judged by others, and I have been looked down upon because of it. My entire life, I have had a void in my heart, wanting someone to love me and need me. It sounds silly, but you know the feeling. The feeling where you are constantly craving someone’s affection and attention. It started freshman year when I had my first true boyfriend. I would do everything within me to the point of losing who I was, just to gain a “you look pretty today” or “I love your body”. In every relationship from then on out, I would convince myself they were the ones from the beginning. Once I had that mindset I would allow myself to be persuaded into going farther or flat out allow myself to. Then when the breakup came, I would be emotionally devastated, but run to the next guy and seek fulfillment and healing. It went on like this up until, to be honest, the beginning of this year. I hadn’t realized this was my problem until I started to surrender my future to the Lord fully, and that’s when my heart truly started to change. The brokenness I had felt from family members dying, friends leaving, and boys breaking my heart had finally caught up to me. When I moved from Texas to Florida my heart was just in the healing process, but I didn’t have a guy to fill that hole with. So the vicious cycle of going from boy to boy in order to feel wanted and loved came to a screeching halt.
From here I really started pursuing the Lord with my whole heart, instead of half-heartedly. I don’t know about you but sometimes I tend to tell God “whenever I meet him, I’ll get back in the word” or “just let this work out between us and I’ll start praying every day again”. This is us giving God an ultimatum. We are asking Him to either give us something that will ultimately and possibly hurt us or look like He is holding out on us, but truly He is guarding our hearts.
This is us giving God an ultimatum. My way or no way.
In Psalms 34:18 it says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
I truly believe that without God allowing there to be pain and brokenness in our lives, we would never truly know how it feels to have God comfort us.
To have Him choose us. I challenge you this week, to open up to Him. Confess what’s on your hearts, tell Him what’s breaking you on the inside, and ask Him to allow your eyes to see Him pursuing every day. Once you accept that the only way you will be whole and fully content is when He is at the centre of your life, you won’t have an urge to always invest your desire for fulfillment into the world. It can and will always get better, but only if you put all of your trust and hopeless desires at the foot of the cross and let God work through you. Don’t worry about coming to God broken-hearted, hurt, guilty, or ashamed; this is how He wants you to come to him. If you tried to be perfect before letting Him take over, then what’s the point of letting him fix your brokenness?
The point is that none of us are perfect nor are we worthy enough to have that relationship with him, yet he still died on a cross for us because that is how much he loves us. Put all your faith in him for he is the ultimate shepherd, and He WILL take care of His sheep, the ones who rely on him to live and follow in his footsteps.
QUESTIONS:
What have you felt broken about lately?
In what ways can you let God heal you?
Have you been giving God ultimatums? What are they?
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